I also lived through a relationship like this. I spent years researching my daughters illness, spent 3000. They give the impression of strength and confidence. Any attempt to explain my feelings or concerns are quickly dismissed and I'm told if I continue to try to be heard he will leave and withdraw and I won't be spoken to for days. Whereas he had no relationship with his children and very abbreviated relationship with his family. Scott Peterson was the worst form of a narcissistic type person.
Even though I have miles to go to get the divorce finalized, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. But sometimes it doesn't feel like love gives us a choice. I wake up happier and relieved every day now the kids and I no longer live with their Dad. The difference between tendencies and being assessed as having the full blown disorder is something even doctors have trouble discerning. They are aware of the abnormal treatment they're going to serve.
My husband was a great provider, but I always felt I was lacking something and the deep intimacy was one of them. I'm actively seeking counseling but don't have insurance at this time. Life is too short for all this narcissistic nonsense and a narc will waste your life away if you allow it. A long time ago I chose to be blind to many things and settled for less than I deserved. I continue with therapy for ptsd and an anxiety disorder.
For years, almost my whole marriage, I have been the sole provider - always fell from one job to another, one scheme to another. I pray you find healing. Needing to feel powerful by putting others down is unhealthy. Wants to go thru mediation? You might question your sanity You could form a sense of doubt about the integrity of the friends and family of your narcissistic spouse which can be difficult if there are children or mutual friendships between you. So glad I found this site. His patience ran out, and he let go.
It is better to be alone than to be with someone who hates you despite what they may say yes they hate you. Looking back of course there were red flags, but his grandiose show of love and affection and how caring and selfless he was won me over. It will also help to have a good lawyer. In addition, to wondering why a Narcissist gets married, I am often asked why they rush into relationships, and why they rush into marriage. He is mean to my youngest and to my grand kids.
I tried so often to communicate with him—he refused, detracted, gaslighted, or just left long enough to avoid. Lord knows my heart and I pray for my wife in her quest of wanting control of everyone and everything, blames me for everything gone wrong but she has gone way overboard but I stuck in there. I'm thinking about making my own but I'm not sure where to begin. I am perfectly fine on my own. Johnson warns that when many narcissists enter as the result of life crisis, it is not for the purpose of fundamentally changing their pathology, but only to affect crisis. Days later I didn't feel it.
It also helps to have learned from personal experience and from pros about how narcs can't change. You cannot help those who don't want to help themselves, and narcissists are known for refusing to admit they have a problem and seek help. Your only fault was not recognizing there was no way to play the game. The best thing I can do in this world is to help others, and myself, not one without the other. He complained to my choice of music and was grumpy the entire drive there. I wished I had paid attention to the red flags that began with our engagement.
He does not have the ability to read between the lines or even take a hint. Depending on the severity of their condition, they genuinely may not be able to. Why was I so stupid? I dont feel nothing just wish I had done it sooner but better late than never. He told our marital therapist he wants to be in control and feels everything is out of control. I endured an 11 year marriage to one of these monsters.
And I lived through it. The emotional abuse is not something that most just snap back from and often requires therapy and other support. I hope i can get this over with and start living my life with narcissist rage. No more drama, no more trauma, no more fear, no more angry neighbors, no more second guessing, no more snooping to find the truth, no more walking on egg shells. They will have often left a series of tragic relationships in their wake. I think healing is slow. What worries me more is that you have used fear to persuade women To remain in these relationships by suggesting that they will be in more danger if they leave so therefore better off staying and purchasing your advice to help them stay.