I really want to get back with him if he can make sure he will be clean…. When I sobered up, an unfortunate side effect was to see things the way they really were. I don't think he's ready to change yet. However, now that the dust is settling over the drama years worth of drama a just feel worn out and quite honestly, miserable. While these actions may seem beneficial on the surface, the help that you are providing may be doing more harm than good.
How does a person walk away from a life planned out for so long? They had replaced nagging and yelling with clear communication. Has been unfaithful to me and is moody, irritable and unpredicatable. I went through every emotion possible but I stuck it out. It was repeated almost every night for weeks. He had addictions of his own and never took responsibility for his actions. After reading this blog and the previous comments there is some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this situation. I did not know of his addiction until after he proposed, and even then I was very naive about the whole thing.
We all 3 need his financial support. He hits me curses at me. These groups are called fellowships in that they are comprised of individuals, like yourself, who have admitted they have an addiction or are the co-dependents or family members of one who is an addict , and come together for the sole purpose of helping others in recovery. On the Saturday afternoon I suggested a walk near the river and a cold drink at a nearby hotel garden. As of today, I am no longer giving anything, no money, no cigarettes, no affection. So I distanced myself from him, in a move of self preservation.
It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself. Once I got sober myself my mom was faced with the fact of having to look at her part and her side of the street. I think that is when it's time to go. I'm new to this site and to the drug addiction recovery process. You just need distance, time and some self-love. I am learning that I cannot control people, places or things, that I can only control my thoughts and my actions. She will not change if you keep letting her come back over and over again.
For those family members or friends who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, you may feel that you are trying to help by paying their bills or providing them a place to live. When I met him, I was in happy place and my heart was open to love. So…I confiscated everything I found and flushed it down the toilet or threw away the paraphernalia. I think I am educated, but I can't figure this out. Not ever obviously drunk — nobody else would have been able to know but I could tell and smell! Rebels do not listen to anyone—even those who love them. I would find things and he could lie about it and make me believe him even though its right in my face black and white. So I can live some kind of life of peace.
I'm sorry to hear that you're caught up in a difficult relationship. Robert J Meyers, is easy to read and provides concrete advice to the family members of people in addiction. In my opinion, if you continue down the road you're on, your wife's addiction is going to destroy everyone. Hypertension, heart attack and stroke, and some types of cancer can be caused by continuous and unresolved stress, a process known as stacking. It destroyed me to find out that the man I love has the same issues my father struggled with. Eventually they will come to realize what they have done and how it costed them. It felt like I had everything when we met, we wanted to start a family.
He has no program now. They become self-absorbed and self-focused. This family is clearly in crisis. You may resort to snooping, following the individual, going through his or her belongings, reading their mail or other correspondence, calling strange phone numbers that appear on the monthly home or cell phone bill. In these situations, you will spare no expense in trying to help your loved one get back on solid footing. I have continued working on myself and healing, going to therapy, doing a recovery program from narcissistic abuse, but most importantly being honest with myself about the ways I had co-created this painful relationship for my own growth.
Please pick up my book, Hope Street is my memoir of my life with an addict and how I eventually was able to break free. Addiction starts much like you describe with him and I am almost positive you will eventually uncover he is using even more than you can prove he is. He seems to want to punish or control or something. Addiction is strong and until you have an addiction problem, you will not understand that a person loses the choice to make rational decisions and becomes completely ruled by their drug. He got out and got his freedom back and it has been relapse after relapse. Jen and Aaron had heard this kind of advice from countless well-meaning people. You are caught in a cycle and if you want to get out of it, you will have to be the one to let go.